Men and Pain
August 14, 2008
Three men that I see on a regular basis complain of being in pain, they are known for their pain: The first has cluster headaches, the second had polio that left him with a malformed leg, the third injured his back in an accident. These are not guys that I have sought out in order to make a point, I suppose that all of my life I have known men who have been in pain of one sort or another, often it was me who had the pain. As I was going through my clinic course at the Chronic Pain Management Clinic of the RIC I made a point of letting each of them know what was going on with me, much as I did by posting messages to this site in case that someone might benefit.
Today was my last visit to the clinic, the follow-up visit to check if anything further needs to be done for my fibromyalgia and knee pain. There wasn’t much to talk about with Dr. R. because my pain is absent, and when it does threaten to reappear I know that it is because I have not been doing the exercises recommended to me–all in all this has been a successful thing to do.
Since we had a few minutes I mentioned my frustration that the three men I know who might benefit in a large way from the clinic would not be coming over–they refuse. What the hell can I say about men who choose to remain in severe pain than explore what has been a success for me? It is not that they disagree, they have known what I was doing throughout the five weeks I went there, it is not that they deny that they have to use opiates and in one case surgery in search of alleviation, they just turn away from actively helping themselves. She nodded in agreement and told me that it was a sad but common story.
This story is not meant to be objective, nor is it meant to be free from sexism; it is somehow a symptom of something else, something to do with being responsible.
I am going to write this while I still feel the frustration from their ignorance, while I feel confusion that some will not explore possibilities to feel better, I want the temperature of emotion to help shape this post.
To decide to feel better, to decide to be in a better place than present is something that is open to everyone in one way or another; whether it be depression, joint pain, a relationship problem or a pain in the ass there can always be the decision to feel better, to manage, to understand, to reduce, to eliminate whatever it is that hurts. It only takes the courage to seek an alternative or to ask for help, and to seek it again if the answer isn’t immediate.
Again, this is not as well thought out or written as it would be if I let it incubate, but sometimes a little emotion is appropriate.
August 14, 2008 at 5:49 p. 08.
I suffer from Ankylosing Spondilytis. Can not be cured. Am 25. I take a pill every day and have done nothing about it. Plus I smoke. Somethig doctors have categorically said is harmful in my condition more than for a normal smoker.
Why am I telling you this?
Your post made me think about it, that’s why. Every now and then, this thought comes to me, but as usual, I fail to do anything beyond, maybe excercise for a couple of days. I want to live healthy. I am young. I have talent to do a lot in life. But I can not quit smoking and doctors tell me in absence of that there is no solution.
Your post is an inspiration. I will give one more try. Let’s see.
Thanks, though.
August 14, 2008 at 5:49 p. 08.
You certainly suffer from a tough one, that nobody can deny.
That you will benefit from quitting smoking is one thing you can do to influence what is going on. I quit smoking three years ago and still feel the need to fill and light my pipe; what I do is put it off for twenty minutes, anybody can put off anything for twenty minutes—that is what I have done for over three years from now.
Good luck to you, it takes a lot of courage to handle a difficult situation, it is an opportunity to display your courage by how you handle a tough one.
Roger
August 27, 2008 at 5:49 p. 08.
This is my first time visiting your site and i must say i like it very much.
Your article was a good read.
I will definetly come back here more often!
hooka
September 13, 2008 at 5:49 p. 09.
Interesting phenomenon, that is. I’m talking about how those three men refuse to seek treatment even after knowing it is helping you. I have a brother-in-law that had a car accident years ago and still has debilitating pain. I am no expert, but sometimes I think the pain has become like a friend to him, something familiar. I think he has shaped his life around the pain and has become accustomed to the sympathy and assistance he receives from those around him.
I am not saying he is faking! I think he feels the pain, but like people raised in poverty, it is all he knows and it is hard to break out of.
It’s good to see you are still writing from time to time.