Stirring the pot

(1) And he said, “Whoever finds the interpretation of these sayings will not experience death.”

(2) Jesus said, “Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All.”

(3) Jesus said, “If those who lead you say to you, ‘See, the kingdom is in the sky,’ then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, ‘It is in the sea,’ then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty.”

(4) Jesus said, “The man old in days will not hesitate to ask a small child seven days old about the place of life, and he will live. For many who are first will become last, and they will become one and the same.”

(5) Jesus said, “Recognize what is in your sight, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you . For there is nothing hidden which will not become manifest.”

The above passage is copied from the Thomas collection of the Nag Hammadi Library; the words are, of course, attributed to Jesus, and there are scholarly works based upon this translation. As always I see nothing as holy unless it affects the Spirit within me, and I ask what else could it be?

I understand Jesus’ appeal to transcendence, and I experience the troubling nature of the process; his words give me comfort during the struggle.

When I come across a book or site that feels interesting I skim the index and contents to find what resonates, that is where I go and examine. Resonates is the right word here, it is listening to something going on in the back-room of my mind; that part that is on the edge of consciousness, that sends a signal that my mind has found something appetizing but hasn’t had a chance to digest it, there is resonance because I already have the notion but haven’t unpacked and displayed it yet. It is as if there isn’t anything new, just ideas that haven’t been examined yet, until an outside phrase comes along, one that matches and unlocks.

All that is in preparation for what is going on with me now, something that isn’t for a post, it isn’t timely, finished, nor will it be:

Reconciling the estrangement of the existential and essential parts of our being.

That isn’t the quote that got me started, the book is in the trunk of the car and it is still below zero out there. I will quote stuff here another day, the above is what stuck with me.

The idea that we are somehow fragmented, that this estrangement makes us uneasy, that we seek the salvation of unity:–that idea resonates with me. Why? What the fuck does it mean?

I came across it a couple of years ago, at that time I recognized that it was important but I had other stuff going on then, now I want to figure out what it is, and why it feels important. I did a Google search, found a couple of scholars’ articles that require access to academic sites that I can’t; three articles over thirty or so years, not something that interests others.

Here is the other notion that comes to mind: There is something about the Christ story that makes it unique, not in a Sunday School kind of way, not in an unthinking believing kind of way, not in a conservative way, not in an organized church kind of way. This is a most personal notion, somehow the most personal idea that I know, and yet I don’t know what the idea means or signifies.

This is what exercises my mind, brings great life to my being. And it will be continued.

In reading this before posting I see that there are unfinished fragments, phrases out of place, grammar that is appalling—all that is appropriate for what I am, where I am.